Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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