I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
