Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Someone came in the potted fern
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
