I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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