he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize