Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
