Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
