We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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