New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize