very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
