Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize