your parents love me but you hate me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
