He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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