Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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