If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
