it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
