she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think i have two assholes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
