I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
