Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So squirting runs in the family.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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