She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
