What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
