Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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