I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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