When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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