But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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