please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
