Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
