Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
