10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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