At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
