Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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