There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
