your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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