I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
