cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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