He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
