spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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