3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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