Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
