i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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