Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
