Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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