If i come over, it means nothing
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
