I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
