You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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