Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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