Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
