Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
