If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize