C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
