we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
