Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
