i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
