singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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