We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
