I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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