There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
