Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
