My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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