No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
