can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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