Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
