This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
