i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
