i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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