if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize