nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
