ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
