He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
