i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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