I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
