Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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