saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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