im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
