how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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