apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize