I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
