my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
