we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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