i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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