The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
