I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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