Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
