Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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