He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
