the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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