I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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