You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
