so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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