i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
