ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
