Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
