Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
