let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
