I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
