I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
