the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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