I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
